Luck
I consider myself a calm person; perhaps to a fault. A personality test once concluded that I was in the 3rd percentile for Enthusiasm, which I found hilarious. In a room of 100 people, 97 of them would be more enthusiastic than I am. For anyone who has had the misfortune, this is very evident. Not only do I practice stoicism, but am pretty spot on to the description of the philosophy. Placid, calm, restrained: the most you’ll get is a cocked eyebrow or a smirk. Except where humour is concerned. I do love a good laugh, and will laugh at most anything.
I am a physical representation of man’s eternal struggle. Like Sisyphus, I shall toil without end, until such a time as I leave this life and become something new.
There’s probably a thousand reasons for this, but one I’ve been thinking about lately is my inherent romanticism. The ancient world has always fascinated me. The mythologies and legends of the Greeks, Romans, Carthaginians, Celts, etc. etc. are all so fascinating - particularly when you’re learned enough to dissect them. People usually hate high school English classes, but the way they teach you to think about every little detail is a great skill. In a created work, everything has a purpose, no matter how small. Particularly in the visual mediums. Sure, there’s explosions and gripping drama in focus, but that caterpillar in the left corner has deep metaphorical significance, don’t cha know!
But back to the ancients.
A rather large and all-encompassing concept they had was that of Fate. Personified in various ways, Fate was a force that held dominion over the gods themselves. Nothing escaped Fate’s influence, though it could be bargained with. Along with this was the concept of luck, or fortune. Fortuna, the feminine Roman deity, was widely venerated. Some even considered themselves to be favourites of the goddess, bound to succeed by cosmic will.
In Colleen McCullough’s fantastic Masters of Rome series, Lucius Cornellius Sulla is one such favourite. But there was something about his relationship with Fortuna that was fascination to me: the fact that his luck would only hold so long as he didn’t allow himself true love. If he followed his heart, and continued his pederasty, the goddess would abandon him, for she demanded his heart. Having achieved his goals, he chose to let go of his luck and retired to his estates. Finally, Sulla was allowed to do what he wanted: namely, live a life of debauchery with actors and other miscreants.
Fortune, it seems, was willing to pick favourites, but the cost was great. Fate, I would argue, works on similar principles. You can bargain for a better one, but only if you’re willing to sacrifice for it. Isn’t that true of life? Dr. Jordan Peterson talks about this a lot, about the need to sacrifice for the sake of the future. I would heartily recommend everyone watch his lectures on YouTube.
I’ve always considered myself to be a lucky person. I win draws a lot, find elusive parking spots, wind up in good situations almost by accident. I trust to my luck almost reverently, and will admit to superstitions. A coin flip solves a good deal of my choices, and more often than not, it works out for the best. Fortune and Fate seem predisposed to help me, so I trust in them and calmly plod along in life. Undisturbed, for the majority of the time, and content to just experience things. Like a caterpillar on a leaf, crawling along happily and unbothered by this random hand that’s been placed before me. Why, I might as well just crawl up onto it - all roads lead to Rome, after all.
Why does my camera suck?
Because I’m stubborn and refuse to “upgrade” from my BlackBerry.
I was in a little bookshop a few years ago with a dear friend of mine. As we browsed about the cramped aisles we happened upon a little tome entitled The Red Book of Luck. A curious little hard cover, it’s filled with little stories, anecdotes, and facts about various luck-related items. I was quite enamored with it, but didn’t quite feel compelled to pay the price. A trinket, really, despite the significance it held to my personal beliefs. But, if I was meant to have the book of luck, then Fate would bring it to me. Sure enough I was gifted it next Christmas. Luck, you might scoff. It’s simply that your friend is a wonderful person. I would agree, and say I’m lucky to have her.
Needless to say, I’ve always identified with Sulla after reading Ms. McCullough’s novels. I’m being driven ahead by some sort of force and am too modest to say it’s talent. It’s quite relaxing to feel like everything will work out. Fatalistic, but in a good way. A lot of the negative connotations about Fate stem from the opinion that it’s fixed, thus negating free will. But like the Romans, I believe Fate, and Fortune, can be bargained with. All you need to do is figure out what they want in return.
Admittedly, I have no idea what they want.
The result? The universe balances out. This is probably true for most people, if they really think about it. For me, I have a never ending series of ups and downs. If something good happens, I expect something bad is close by. When something bad happens, I’m eager for whatever good will be on its way.
Last winter I crashed my car - total write-off. Come spring, I randomly got a big raise and an extra week of vacation; I didn’t ask for either. I bought a new mattress recently, lucking into an amazing deal that saw me get an unopened floor model meant for an unopened store for a steal of a deal; but, I almost gave myself a hernia at the gym and am now unable to do much but sit around getting fat for a few weeks.
My life is a sequence of gives and takes, ultimately putting me even at all times. Makes me laugh, but also wonder: What is it that Fortuna wants? And, if I find out what it is, is it something I’m willing to sacrifice to finally get ahead? Like a caterpillar I shall plod along, and should Fate decide it’s time for me to enter a cocoon, to enter a transformative state, then I shall.
Maybe if I lose my nose I’ll get a literary agent.